CRIST!! ITS SO
it's exactly what i wanted how i wanted it ,somehow i though the objects in a family would inherit the specific value of the family and that you couldn't change on a object by object base.
thank you so much
check it out(and tell me if it even loads i'm not sure how to work sending these things out yet)
lol hadn't even concidered that ,thankfully GeometriX solved that problem as well before i even realised it :D