Jokes thread

Chat about anything not covered in these forums, but keep it civil!

Post » Thu Feb 19, 2009 9:06 am

Whats the difference between English humor, and toasted bread?

If the breads too dry you can put butter on it.
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Post » Thu Feb 19, 2009 4:31 pm

[quote="SoldjahBoy":18f4tw5v]How do you know if your wife is dead??


Sex is still exactly the same, but the washing is piling up.

~Sol[/quote:18f4tw5v]

Deserves love.

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"

The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''
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Post » Thu Feb 19, 2009 6:09 pm

Q: What's brown, and French, and sticky?








A: A French stick.
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Post » Fri Feb 20, 2009 1:47 am

OMG Deadeye that was soooooooooo bad hahahaha xD


One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
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Post » Sat Feb 21, 2009 1:00 am

A neutron enter's a bar and ask's "how much for scotch on rocks?", bartender says "well for you, no charge"
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Post » Sat Feb 21, 2009 3:05 pm

A doctor says to his patient, I have bad news and worse news.

Oh dear, what's the bad news? asks the patient.

The doctor replies, You only have 24 hours to live.

That's terrible, said the patient. How can the news possibly be worse?

The doctor replies, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.
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Post » Wed Feb 25, 2009 11:47 pm

what do you tell someone who performs circumcisions when its time to pay up at the restaurant and you dont like the waiter?






(sneaky edit by davioware :mrgreen: )


























keep the tip!
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Post » Thu Mar 05, 2009 2:40 am

Why did the Siamese twins go to America?

So the other one could drive.
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Post » Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:26 pm

http://www.napalmgoatse.com

Vote us to get on radio! And yes I posted this on joke thread becous our band isnt so serious :P
(Im HardcoreHemuli and I play stylophone <3)

edit: domain for our campaing is Napalm Goatse To Radio
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Post » Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:19 am

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